you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
