Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
