so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
