he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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