I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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