I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
