seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im holly from the hills drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
