the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
