Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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