he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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