no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
