I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fill condoms, not promises.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
