She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
