Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
