i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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