I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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