I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
