alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
