I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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