I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
