I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
