Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
