My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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