I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
