; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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