i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
