did you get engaged???
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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