its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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