whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
