ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
