Say something about gay babies.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
