Define "chronic" masturbator.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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