I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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