There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
