and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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