Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
