i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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