Apparently you make a good broom.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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