i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
