I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
