I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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