Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
