i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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