When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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