How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
