Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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