he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
