first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
