Your mouth is God's brothel.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
