Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
